Many people would view someone that’s silent as weak not realizing that being silent felt more like a strength for me. Teaching myself to smile when I wanted to frown, laugh when I wanted to scream and be silent when all I wanted was to tell.
Learning to silently hold in all the hurt and pain as if it didnt exist became a strength of mines. Until it was time… time to break the silence because silencing myself meant I too was emotionally hurting me. Speaking my truth is what I’m now learning to do. Breaking the silence and speaking the hurt is only the first step. Learning to emotionally reconnect to emotions that have been bottled inside is the next.
Many may not understand how someone can stay or why someone wouldn’t tell what happened but when you experience your power taken away you go silent. I went silent. I choose not to share. Sharing meant opening up and allowing someone else to judge, allowing society to determine what is true and what isn’t. Now I understand that my silence wasn’t strength but a fear because speaking it meant it was real. Keeping silent gave me this hope that just maybe it was a bad dream and one day I will wake until I realized I’ve been awake.
Breaking the silence is not just telling our story but also allowing ourselves to feel the emotions bottled inside. Allowing the tears to flow which were held back and allowing our screams to express the anger felt when we were silenced. I now understand that it’s okay to speak loudly because breaking my silence is now my strength.