Most people that has experienced trauma in their life fear attachment? But what is attachment and will I lose myself? We learn what attachment is when we are first born, attachment is first taught from our mothers. It’s not until later that we learn attachment to the other caregiver whom we grow a bond with. If attachment is not shown to us to be a positive thought, emotion or feeling then as an adult we fear it. We even give off that fear to others with whom we try to attach ourselves with in a relationship. Studies have shown that those infants that were able to build healthy attachments are able to build healthy relationships as an adult. It’s those of us who struggled finding love from an absent mother/caregiver or non attentive parent that later look for love in relationships. Its then, myself included, that we stay in unhealthy relationships hoping they will love ‘us’ as we hoped as a child. That’s when we begin the journey of learning to love ourselves which tends to be the hardest journey, I personally, have had to take. Through learning to love myself I have learned I no longer need the approval in a relationship to be loved. I no longer fear attachment to someone else because I dont see it as a negative but the idea of bonding with someone. I feared attachment because I feared disapproval, I feared loneliness, and I feared abandonment. I feared being attached would lose who I am but in reality attachment is not meant to be feared. Attachment is a theory used to connect yourself to a partner and function together as one. Next time you fear the idea of attachment look within yourself and ask what do ‘you’ need to work on and heal from?

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